Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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