I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
