Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize