Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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