I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
