No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
