We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
