You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
