paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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