Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
