Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
