I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
