I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
