her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
