Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
