Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
