remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
