I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
