How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just pee around me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
