You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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