I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
