my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
