true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
