Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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