Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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