If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
