You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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