how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
