Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He felt like a one man threesome
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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