i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
