I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
