pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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