Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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