Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
