Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You work out of a Hotel?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
