I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
