Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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