"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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