he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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