she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
