dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
