You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
