I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
love makes seman taste better
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
