shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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