I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
