Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
