How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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