Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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