Can i not drive my cunt home
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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