yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
