I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
