last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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