Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
