I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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