i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
