Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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