we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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