I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
