She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
