MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
