she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
